Holy Matrimony! by Boze Hadleigh

Author:Boze Hadleigh
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 0-7407-3325-7
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC
Published: 2003-03-01T16:00:00+00:00

Divorce

Divorces are made in heaven.

—OSCAR WILDE

Divorce can mean heartache or it can mean relief or freedom or joy. Or all the above.

—JENNIFER LOPEZ

I don’t think divorce would result in so much anger and bitter feelings if money wasn’t involved.

—SEAN CONNERY

I say that alimony is the biggest killer of romance there is.

—ZSA ZSA GABOR

Alimony . . . it’s the high cost of loving.

—JOHNNY CARSON

Alimony is the screwing you get for the screwing you got.

—DREW BARRYMORE

Alimony is proof that you pay for past mistakes. And pay. . . .

—PETER O’TOOLE

Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.

—EDDIE CANTOR IN THE FILM KID MILLIONS (1934)

Since our breakup I have been required to live in an environment in which Elizabeth would never reside.

—EX–TRUCK DRIVER AND FORMER MR. ELIZABETH TAYLOR LARRY FORTENSKY

Why the courts don’t tell a husband who has been living off his wife to go out and get a job is beyond my comprehension.

—JOAN LUNDEN

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

—JOHN BARRYMORE (DREW’S FAMOUS GRANDFATHER)

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

—LEWIS GRIZZARD

If he needed the money so badly, I’d have given him alimony.

—JANE FONDA, AFTER READING EX-HUSBAND (AND DIRECTOR) ROGER VADIM’S TELL-ALL MEMOIRS

Why do Hollywood divorces cost so much? Because they’re worth it.

—JOHNNY CARSON

Darling, I’m a marvelous housekeeper: every time I divorce a man, I keep the house!

—ZSA ZSA GABOR

A woman never used to have to worry about paying alimony. Today, the liability is two-sided, and a man can make a fortune out of marrying the wrong woman—or, temporarily, the right woman!

—LANA TURNER, WHOSE BRIEFEST MARRIAGE [SIX WEEKS] COST HER $35,000 [DECADES LATER, WHEN JOAN COLLINS DIVORCED RECORD EXECUTIVE RON KASS SHE PAID HIM A REPORTED $1 MILLION, AND STILL LATER, JANE FONDA SETTLED SOME $10 MILLION ON POLITICIAN TOM HAYDEN)

A divorce is a public admission that either or both of you made a mistake. It hurts or embarrasses. It’s even worse to conceal the mistake and continue living together in a private hell.

—BURT REYNOLDS

Furniture-hurling has never been my style. And we were beyond the point where that kind of anger could have done any good.

—LONI ANDERSON IN HER MEMOIRS, ABOUT BREAKING UP WITH BURT REYNOLDS

Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid may not want to stay married but they both want custody of their guru, Gurumay. Instead of fighting over their eight-year-old son, Jack, they are arguing over who is going to get custody of their yoga teacher. They have both been disciples of yoga for years. Meg carries a picture of her guru and now she wants her all to herself.

—COLUMNIST ARLENE WALSH IN AUGUST 2000, IN BEVERLY HILLS (213)

A man’s real face comes out during divorce. A woman has to protect her kids and her investments . . . he’s often more interested in protecting his pride.

—CHER

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.

—ZSA ZSA GABOR

While married to Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise named his Gulf Stream jet Sweet Nic. However,

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